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Monday, April 20, 2009

Human Morcellator! Watch out uterus...her she comes!!!

Hysterectomy is a procedure in which you remove a lady's uterus. Usually the uterus is small and comes out willingly through nature's birth canal (yes yes Vagina)
Sometimes though, the uterus will be too big to pass through. Here again, as is the trend with human beings, we interfered with nature to create a cesarean delivery for the larger than life uterus. We created what is known as a Morcellator. This evil little device is a machine which rotates with a blade and carves out slices of the muscle tissue that makes up the bulk of the uterus to take it out bit by bit from the ports we use in laparoscopy.

So, one day we were in the "Hospital of the Stars"(will clarify on request), doing what we do best...helping people do laparoscopy, when a particularly stubborn Morcellator refused to do its job properly. There we were with a fairly large uterus inside a somewhat small abdomen with a smaller vaginal opening which refused to morcellate with that darned machine.

Doctor's are known to be people who don't give up easily....I think its something we learn while undergoing medical training in our colleges and during our internship, because if you give up then you just can't make it in this business. So anyway, in walks a lady doctor who earns the title of this blog. Boss, (who I'm considering calling Woody but think its too impersonal and has nothing to do with Woody Allen but is just as famous) cracks one of those cracks that make the entire room reverberate with laughter. He calls her a Human Morcellator becuase she has this uncanny ability to remove such uteri from the vagina by a crude process which involves a lot of pulling, tugging, slicing, shaving and what have you!
She proudly accepts the fact that she can do it. Its now an ego issue you see because she has been throned on the proverbial tree of chickpeas (colloquially known as Chane ka Jhaad).

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