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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Get Laser Surgery Done Now!

I keep telling myself I shall not write degrading things about my workplace anymore but they leave me with no choice.

Before you read any further you have to take a solemn oath not to tell any health regulatory authority about this incident.

You will probably find this very very kathin to believe but I swear its true and it happened today 18th October 2005 around 12.30 in the afternoon.

Dr. Broadwalk and I were operating this case of undescended testis where one of the guys balls failed to come down to its correct location and consequently was lodged somewhere in his abdomen. What we do in such cases is usually mobilise the poor thing and try and get it back into his scrotum before he develops a tumour in it and a lemon turns into a melon!

So we open this guy’s abdomen and find a hernial sac there (which is quite common in such cases) and try and separate the sac from the cord structures (Sid and Abhi probably understand this better than the rest of u) so that we can pull his lost 'life-giver' and try and get it back down.

We’re working away trying to get it done, we open the sac, pull on the gubernaculum (this is an actual structure and it is as weird as it sounds) and find the misplaced ‘nut’ inside the deep ring (let it be…it’s just a thing we have in the abdomen) and pull it downward.

Now, we’re trying to mobilise it further because it’s come up short! Bole to, it’s just about reaching the scrotal entrance which is not good enough. So, Dr. Broadwalk tries to free some adherent structures around the gubernaculum and has to free some vessels in the process.

Unlike what you may be thinking right now, we did not end up tearing any vessel. Something much worse happened. Brace yourselves….His glasses fall right into the abdomen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m not joking, lying, imagining, nothing! His spectacles are lying there on this guy’s ‘gonad’ exposed to blood and tissue. For a second or two, nobody moved or said a word.

As any good story of mine, this one is not over yet….Dr. Broadwalk (B.M.C. Employee of the year this one!) now removes his gloves, proceeds to pick up his glasses, puts them back on (Ewwwww), drops some spirit on his hands, wears a pair of new gloves and continues with the operation!

I have nothing more to say. I’m speechless. I’m flabbergasted. I’m so many things you guys will never be until you enter an operating room with this guy.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Midnight Walk Through The Graveyard!

OK something like this can only happen to me or with me or for me or whatever.

Dr. Shaikh and I were forced to take this patient who required an urgent CT Scan and neurosurgical reference. Now by the time we got there it was around midnight and we finished transferring the patient by about 1. The ambulance had left so it was up to us to go back and none of us wanted to spend too much money on a cab (ricks don't go upto Sion hosp.), we decided to take the train.

I think it was the last or second to last train and unfortunately for us it was going only upto Kurla so we figured we would take a rick from there. Now, when we landed at kurla, we knew we had to go east so we got a bridge and went east. This bridge was really long and it led us to this dark hutment type of area, but I thought its a bridge so it should lead to the main road so we continued further.

Then we saw an arch with lights and it was pointed towards the highway so we entered. We're walking along and suddenly as I looked to the sides I saw the one thing you don't want to see at 1 in the morning....GRAVES!!! Very quickly realisation dawned that we were in a graveyard and the inscriptions told us it was a Muslim Kabrastan! As we continued to walk along hoping for an exit to the main road we're deathly quiet (excuse the pun) and we see an old man walking towards the end where there is a white wall.

I thought there must be a gate there so I told Dr. Shaikh to follow him and maybe we could get out of here without much of a problem. By the time I finish telling him this the old guy has Vanished! No Jokes it was like he just disappeared. Suddenly a tube light comes on in a small room to our right and we can see a tomb....and after a few seconds the same old man walking around it.

Apparently he was the caretaker and we then asked him how to get to the main road. He told us that we had to go back where we came from because there was no way out from here. So we collectively held whatever little breath we had left in us and walked all the way back through the kabrastan, through the dark lane which seemed even darker now, up the bridge, back on the station and got out through the next bridge looking very carefully to see weather it leads to a road or some other dark alley!

Casualty Calamity!

Ok, not everything in my life happens in the OT. This past emergency day I was sitting in the casualty for around an extra hour, overlapping with my junior trying to teach him some surgery!

In come a bunch of cops with a drunk guy who has somehow managed to hit his head. So he's sitting there on the bed, my junior goes takes the history comes and tells me about it and we advise some stitches and injections to ease him of his pain. In the mean while, the cops are grilling him about who he is, why he was drunk and how he fell unconscious with a laceration over his scalp.

This was a particularly heavy day and there were a lot of patients in the trauma ward, mostly medicine cases but the sisters were busy, so the guy is still waiting for his injection to cure his pain and he has like 5 cops asking him all sorts of questions!

He loses it...I mean loses it, stands up on the bed, grabs the tube light off the wall and breaks it over his head and in totally bollywood style threatens to drive the half he's holding into his own stomach.

Everyone is like shocked, the cops take some 4 steps backwards and try and coax him out of his beloved tube. I'm sitting there on the Doctor's desk studying away not really concerned because it doesn't look like the guy is capable of doing anything. My junior says do something and I tell him, " Just let him be, if he stabs himself we get another case to operate upon and if he doesn't everything comes back to normal."

Mr. Drunk had other ideas...He proceeds to hurl some choice Maharashtrian French words at my junior who then snaps and puts his steth down walks up to his cot and slaps the bugger so hard in the face (twice) that the tube, the guy and the guy's brains all switch off at the same instant. Then the brave cops of Mumbai not to mention the security of the Great B.M.C. come and tie him up.

By this time we have walked out of the casualty saying there is danger to our lives and we can't work under such circumstances and wait till the C.M.O. works out this particular case and then we go back in and everything except my junior is back to normal...hehehehe

Nothing happened, he didn't stab himself, he didn't get admitted and he did basically nothing else after that but leave! Since it was a bollywood type of incident, the ending had to be just as sad as a Hindi movie na!

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