Envy, Anger, Jealousy and more!

Happy New Year 2023. Here's to bringing in the good, leaving behind the bad, dealing with the difficult, sorting out the issues and ironing out differences!

A lot of things have happened in the past year, most of them good, a few not so much. However, people who know me, know well enough that I don't do regret. Its been a satisfying year for me, personally and professionally. For that, I express my gratitude every day.

Someone asked me at work, what's in store for the next year, what is my resolution? I simply answered that I don't make them. At least for me, they just don't work. They were quite taking aback by the blunt response. I guess they expected more.

Expectations - The bane of our existence. As humans, we are fine tuned to expect something or the other from our peers, friends, relatives, pets etc. Its part of our existence. It is one of those things God put in us, to make sure we are unable to be eternally happy. I think this is a great thing. Imagine being happy all the time, how dull! So, we get a break from happiness and bliss and we have other emotions to deal with like anger, jealously, stress and envy.

Anger is the easiest to deal with because in my opinion it is the most short lived. We have far too much going on in life to keep anger as a constant companion. Some will struggle with this but most move on and somehow cope.

Jealously is a beautiful emotion because it is proof that love exists and you care enough about something or someone that you can evoke this emotion when threatened. If you have ever felt jealous about something or someone, hold on to that and remember that the more you feel it, probably, the more you love the person or thing invoking this response!

Stress is a whole other topic to write about so lets skip it for now. 

Envy on the other hand is a special one. Envy robs potential moments of joy. Envy can eat you alive. It’s characterized in the scientific literature as a strongly unpleasant state of inferiority, hostility, and resentment, which is why it sometimes triggers its cousin emotion schadenfreude — taking delight in another’s downfall. While brief moments of schadenfreude can be relatively harmless, envy tends to endure, sometimes to the point of obsession.

I tried to figure out this envy, many times over, but usually fall short. Perhaps science is correct. Inferiority would make sense but how do you explain highly trained and professional athletes at the top of their game being envious of their counterparts. Hostile people would also not singly explain this as they can be openly hostile without really being envious, just being evil. How about people resenting others? Well, I could be envious without really resenting a person but that doesn't seem right.

Why, then, does envy poke its ugly head about? Shockingly, it appears in our closest relationships. Friends and family! I wonder if the answer is not in the person being envious but rather in the person being envied?

Maybe, just maybe, the envied party is just so sorted out that we can't stand it. How can they be so settled, happy, content, open, honest, truthful, uncomplicated, loved, appreciated, motivated etc etc (you could put all the successful synonyms and adjectives here)

Maybe we just can't digest the fact that someone might be loved more than us or just appreciated more, be better company, be more trustworthy and just be someone that people like hanging out with. 

Perhaps, we want to be that person ourselves. It's the competitiveness that is embedded within us. We want to be the person that someone unloads on, that someone can share secrets with, that someone can call in the middle of the night when they really need help, that someone can trust with their family, that someone can call to chill or hang with without any judgement or ulterior motives, that someone can call their own and know it works both ways.

Perhaps, instead of being envious, we should try and be that person. Unfortunately, more often than not, we end up doing the complete opposite. We end up trying to put that person down, trying to destroy that persons relationship with others, trying to prove that the person is not worth the adulation that we think they are getting. We try and disprove all that the other person is not even trying to prove themselves! In doing this, we not only move farther away from reaching that place, but, we also lose our own honour and place in that world. We no longer would be considered close to being the person that would ever be envied. 

Be simple, be kind, be appreciative, be yourself whether that is loud and brash or quiet and shy, be honest and sincere and don't sugar coat your words! Its the easiest way to move from being envious to being envied. I pray for your success this coming year and hope 2023 works so well for you that you don't have time for regret, jealously, stress or envy.