Working with 2023

 The year has gone it was really good,

We were fortunate to receive money and food

We worked hard and even had time to play

Now is the time for thanks to say!

Remember well, as we go off into 2023,

Treat all your patients and charge them a fee

No one should be able to point a finger,

And tell you that your treatment let the illness linger!

No more favours and friend and relative benefits,

Selfish motives should currently be a hit,

Because no one is going to give a second thought to us

Medico legally they're all ready to throw us under a bus!

Do your job, do it well, speak less to the point and be curt,

Don't give extra advice, nor worry about them being hurt;

It will take them less than a second to turn to another

So, why oh why should we be cannon fodder!

Family first, fitness second, health will come, keep work for last

There is no need to get rich and famous fast

When it all ends, it won't matter how much or where

Its only family and friends that will be there!

Take a deep breath!

 You know how, sometimes, you feel the whole world and its mother decides to bear down on your shoulders and you feel like there is this immense pressure put upon you squashing you down, squeezing the very essence of your being?

News flash, a lot of people feel like that a lot of the time. At the very least, most adults would have faced at least a day of intense stress in the past one month alone, and I'm being generous in this estimate. For most people, this is a daily event. For most people, they also deny it wholeheartedly.  Unfortunately, this stress can manifest in many ways. The least expected illnesses and diseases can be brought about by a simple process of pressuring the mind into thinking all is not well.

Just a few examples to get you onto speed about what I mean. Things like a simple recurring headache, nausea, acid reflux, cramping in the stomach and gut, feeling of weakness in the muscles, spasms of the muscles, backaches, low back pain, tingling numbness, feeling of currents shooting along the nerve, dry mouth, dry eyes, foggy mind, etc etc. The list is literally endless. The cumulative effect of all this over time leads to us losing our loved ones all too soon. Might be a little too direct and uncoated with sugar but sadly, true!

At this point, half of you reading this are already wondering about the last time you felt any of this and are silently nodding along or smiling with the realisation that I am right. The other half are already beginning to debunk this and getting ready to quit reading thinking this is just another one of the gyaan sessions that most life coaches, mediation experts, good health practitioners and sundry give. I would ask you to read on.

Whether you believe the above or not, there is a way to deal with it. You don't even have to believe your conditions are caused by stress to deal with them. Just try to do what I am putting forward and see if it works. If it does, I don't care what you call it, just continue doing it. Stay happy in the belief that you are one of those that doesn't take stress or don't get bothered by stress! Just do the things I'm suggesting anyway.

The next time you feel one of the above, here are a list of things you do (there is a caveat at the end so read till the bottom)

• Take a deep breath, hold it in, count to five and let it go as forcefully as you can. Do it only 5 times. 
• Wash your face with ice cold water (as cold as you can get), making sure it gets into your eyes and put a little at the back of your head just where the hairline ends!
• Step away from whatever you were doing just before you decided to do this (get away from the stimulus)
• Put on whatever music you like at a fairly large volume (preferably with headsets on). 2 songs only
• Watch a 3 min slip of any stand up comedian that you think is funny. If you are not into stand up, watch a 3-5 min cartoon clip (older the better)
• Get some chocolate, cheese, ice cream, sweet fruit or nutribar into you. A small piece only, we'll worry about the calories later.
• Find a family member you love and give them a big squeezy hug. Make sure they're not expecting it. Watch their face immediately after doing this
• Go to the window or get out into the fresh air. 120 seconds only. Come back in
• Sit yourself down and breathe again. Only 5 times. 
  
• You are done!

Before you know it, you are ready to tackle the problem that got you into that frown before all this was done. You will suddenly see a path or a solution. In case you don't, at least it won't be bothering you as much and you can then work it out.

The caveat -  to do all this and to make it work, I don't even want to you think about it. Yes, most people, including myself, would go into this starting with this crap isn't going to do it, its just not going to work. Humour me, though! Go through all the steps and only once you've done it all, come back to me and tell me that it didn't work. I'm waiting for your responses below!!

Dealing with Death

Everyone dies. 

Sooner or later, everyone will. Everyone deals with it differently. Every death is a learning experience, an emotional one, but one that can make you so much stronger. Sometimes, you hear about deaths that don't concern you on a personal level and we pay no heed to these. Until the moment that you get informed that someone you know was involved. In the blink of an eye, it becomes an experience.

I wanted to say God works in mysterious ways, but perhaps it is more apt to say the creator works in mysterious ways. Right from a very young age we are exposed to death. 

While we are kids, if we are lucky, we get to see death take away our grandparents and great grandparents. If we are unlucky, parents leave, uncles and aunts, cousins. 

A little older and we see parents leaving, either ours or our friends'. Uncles and Aunts that we are fond of. Relatives from far off places (the ones you wouldn't be told about if you were younger). 

Once we're adults, we have more parents leaving, in laws, acquaintances, co-workers taken away too early. 

Once we're parents, the morbid fear of losing your children, the intense pain of hearing about other children and instantly checking on your own, the realization that our parents aren't going to be around forever, the understanding that if we are fortunate to still have our grandparents, it's only a matter of time. 

Once we're over a certain age (this is relative), it's acceptance and the wait for the inevitable either for our loved ones or ourselves.

 If we break up the ages when we deal with death, it would roughly come out as follows:

Below Teens : Too young to understand, too young to worry about it, listen to what's being told to you, accept it because you're too small to do anything else and somehow move on. The younger you are the easier it is to move on

Teenage Years: Old enough to understand, not wise enough to react well. Most teenagers will try to hide their emotions and try and be cool and show that they are taking it in their stride. In my opinion, this age group is the worst affected by death. They need to be spoken to but aren't ready to ask for help. They need to grieve but don't want to show emotions as it would portray them as weak.

20's to 30's: We're beginning to come to terms with the fact that death is a permanent fixture of life. (If no one has ever said this before, I'm staking claim to this as a wise man once said kind of line)

Young adults do unbelievably well in handling death. They have just the right amount of emotion showing through along with just enough wisdom to speak only when required and use non verbal communication most effectively (a nod of the head, a blink of the eyes)

40-60: The phase when you have seen enough death to not have to deal with the emotional component. You now become a facilitator in all that has to be done post death. You know its coming for you, you pray it staves off from the younger family members, you readjust your faith.

60+: You count away the people you know, with each one bringing you closer to your own time. There is no more fear, only the motivation to make the best of the rest of your time. If you are lucky, you have loving family around you helping you with everything you want to do and to achieve what you've wanted but missed out on because you were too busy before.

80+: You start to crave death while you still can. No one wants to go as a dependant. Everyone wants to go while they can still take care of themselves, while they are not a burden (or so they think). A dignified death is top priority. No trouble for the rest of the living. Peaceful death is a bonus.

What we are told about death while we are too young to understand, in my personal opinion, does not have any bearing on how we will deal with death later on. Once we are exposed to death, the education begins. With each death that we are a part of, we grow to understand how to behave, what to say, what not to say, when to smile, when to be blank, what to offer and how to offer it, how to support and how to accept support. Each death makes us wiser.

Every death that involves you personally would make the next one just a little bit easier to deal with. This is nature's way of preparing you for the inevitable death of your loved ones. A little pain at regular intervals dulls the final blow.

Over the years, I've lost many people I've cared about. 

My grandparents when I was very young. I didn't understand much then but reflecting on those times now, I guess I did. 

My friends' parents/grandparents. At first, I didn't know what to say, what to do. I would stand there and just be! With each passing, I learned. Now, I am able to offer a sentence or two in condolences. 

My uncles and friends. I could offer support to their families. I could be there for them to talk to.

My relatives and cousins. I could feel the pain that was not there with non relatives. It is different. You react differently to each death.You learn.

Death is inevitable. I know that now. I am still not ready for my parents to leave but I know I must be. There is no way to calculate how much time is left. There is, however, time to calculate how much we can enjoy each other. There is enough and more time to repair old hurts, to renew old friendships, to review life and make a bucket list, to tick things off for others.

Each generation should teach the next one about dealing with death. It would make the world a better place. I'm hoping somewhere in the future, my children read this post and understand why I never protect them from painful situations. If someone dies, they will be told they are dead. No fairy tale stories about heaven and better places and long sleeps. They will come to terms with it and be stronger for it in the future.

No pictures on this blog, no humour. Just feelings!

Life is not fair

Something terrible happened last month. Something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. It was a tragedy. There are no other words to describe it, nothing that would do it justice. Justice, that's a funny word, because it seems there is no justice in this world. A world that allows the passing of a little girl to the heavens for no fault of her own. Fault can't even come to play a role because what happened was beyond anyone's control, no matter what one says. And what can you say, when a 3 year old girl falls off the window on the 3rd floor. I think this will be written over twice. One would be the Doctor in me remembering what happened. The next one to follow would be me, a father, a friend, a relative, a human recounting the horror!

It happened in Pune. We were informed and left the next day. We reached the hospital (fortune had it that it belonged to someone I know closely). She was lying in the ICU bed. No external injuries. Eyes closed with gauze and sticking plaster to prevent damage to the cornea. All injuries were internal we were told by the attending consultant (also a good friend of mine)

She had multiple fractures of the skull, ping pong fractures and depressed fractures, bleeding in the brain, blockage of the ventricles (which plays a role in absorption of CSF) and was unconscious. The situation was grim and there was nothing much we could do but wait it out and watch for how she would progress.

Over the days, some levels of consciousness were regained. She would respond to her parents calling out to her, hands and legs would move. To a lay person, this meant improvement. To the consultant, he was more practical. He warned me about some levels of spasmodic contraction remaining on the right side. She was moving but how much was voluntary. Her eyes were opening slowly, but were they able to see. There was serious doubts about sight since the haemorrhage in the brain was compressing the optic nerve.Days passed into weeks, CT scans and MRI's were performed. Physiotherapy started. All that could be done was being done. She was on the ventilator, but a tracheostomy was imminent.

The last scan showed increasing pressure onto the brain and a decision for burr hole surgery was made. Tracheostomy was very much in the piping but was postponed to respect the wishes of the parents. It was decided to give the burr hole a chance to see if drastic improvement occured and the need for tracheostomy could be averted.

The neurosurgeon was kind enough to do it in the night itself so no time would be wasted. He infomed me when it was over. However, he was not too happy with the surface of the brain. In his own words, "It's not pulsating as much as it should after evacuation of the CSF". He was not too happy, but was optimistic as was the need of the hour.

Over the next day and a half, she developed respiratory infections. It was time for a tracheostomy, whether the relatives agreed or not. It simply could not be postponed any longer. It was done the next day. Suctioning was carried out regularly. The child seemed to be losing the battle, though.

Then, at 3.30 a.m. the call came. Middle of the night calls are almost always bad news. This was too.

She was no more!